I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
