another moral hangover. fuck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize