omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have demons in me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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