BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
