You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
