it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
