I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
