i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize