They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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