Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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