Jerry, you need to find god
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
