i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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