Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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