Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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