i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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