But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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