This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
