wakey wakey hands off snakey
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just want to make out with him forever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
