Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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