Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
