What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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