just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We got so high we made milksteak
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
