OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
