I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
