I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
