Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize