i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
