After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
