How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize