Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
