Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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