No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
