I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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