Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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