He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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