he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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