Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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