We won't sleep together?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
