I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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