Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
