i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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