I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
