I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
