Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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