Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
