hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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