Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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