well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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