my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
