3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In the future we'll all be gay
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
