So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
