Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
