first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Everyone says I win the strip club
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
