what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize