She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
