Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This house was built for laser tag.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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