So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
FUCK WHALES
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