I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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