everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
