You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
how do you play pong handcuffed?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
