I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
