Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
