is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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