so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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