Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
