Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
