I must be too annoying 4 u.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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