Someone shit on the floor
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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