Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
