Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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