he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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