He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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