you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
